This is really bothering me. Well, this among other things. But this is kinda serious for me.
It all started on my grandma’s funeral. See I started smoking back then. I quit five years ago. I say quit but it’s more like “stopped smoking regularly.” Ever since I “quit” five years ago, I only smoked on one occasion – when I lost my phone. Anyway, on that first night that I smoked again, I stopped at like four sticks because I was already having difficulty breathing. But the next day, I was smoking like I used to.
That smoking plus staying up late at night outside plus irregular sleep plus irregular meals plus the emotional and psychological stress really got to me. The very day (Thursday) after the funeral, a fever manifested.
I thought this was just an ordinary flu since my joints were aching and I had a cough. But it’s not.
Last Friday I woke up with a heavy chest and a bad cough. I also had difficulty breathing. I thought that I had a lot of phlegm but I just can’t cough it out. This is a little different. You know when you feel you have phlegm but you can’t cough it out? It’s not like that. I was coughing but it’s like dry cough. But sometimes there’s actually phlegm. I can’t cough harder because if I did I felt that I might throw up or I might wound my throat. But lately when I cough, I feel like there is really little phlegm.
The fever is really bad too. I was going north of 38.5 °C at times. The fever would subside and go away a few hours after I take my meds. But what’s really been agonizing for me is that it would strike at 1am – 6am for the first three nights. I had no decent sleep. At around 6am the fever would go away by itself and I could “rest” a while. I could sneak a few hours of really good sleep. But at around 9 or 10am I’d be up again either from hunger or fever again or both.
I also hate the fact that I have lots of relatives over as this is happening. Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that there are a lot of my relatives over. The more the merrier, right? It just sucks that I can’t really spend time with these people because I am all coughing and feverish. I basically have to stay in the room the whole day. While the regular me loves “staying in,” I know that I have to get out of the room often because I need the fresh air especially because this room isn’t well ventilated. But again, I can’t go outside because I might spread the virus. Literally.
Lately, it feels like it’s already clearing up. But I know it’s not because several hours after I take my trifecta of pills (antibiotics, expectorant and paracetamol), when the medication is presumably wearing off, my fever starts to spike up again; meaning the virus is still there. That infection has got to come from somewhere!
I hate that I am taking a cocktail of meds too. I’ve always hated antibiotics. I know they’re effective but taking antibiotics rapes my digestive system. I shit like crazy, literally. It would have been a little better if I had shit to move but since I have loss of appetite, I have not eaten over five bites in a meal for five days. And I don’t know which one causes it, but just right after I take my meds, when I burp or cough it tastes like menthol. It’s not annoying or painful or anything like that, it’s just weird! I kinda think it’s the expectorant. I also just found out that this expectorant has nasty side effects too. After taking my expectorant, I’d have a rapid heartbeat. My hands and chin would start shaking too. My breathing would be better for the next few hours but it still felt like my heart was exploding because of my rapid heartbeat.
I also hate this headache that I consistenly have! I also get this stinging sensation on the top of my head when I touch/scratch my head/hear. And I scratch my head often because I’ll be honest, I have taken a bath only once in the last five days.
Yesterday, I tried using a nebulizer for the first time. I thought it was fancy because at least I could pretend I was smoking a rich man’s pipe or something. But it just made my throat more aggravated and the side effects were worse.
Worst part is that I didn’t get to visit my grandmother on the first All Saints’ Day that she is gone. Hell, I haven’t even seen her tombstone yet. I haven’t stepped beyond our gates since Wednesday afternoon! I miss outside!
To be fair, I don’t think my temperature spiked up in the last ~20 hours. But what’s really bothering me is that I can physically feel it when the meds are “wearing off.” I mean a few hours after I take meds, I’d feel almost perfectly fine, almost no trace of sickness. But 6 – 8 hours later, my joints start to ache, I feel weak, my head gets heavy and I feel my temperature going up. And that time is just about right, that means I need to take my pills again.
I really hate this taking medication regularly. I know that it’s “normal” for people to do it because hell, I’ve been around more sick people than anyone else for the past year and a half (leave for those people who work around the sick, of course). But I just never thought I’d do it. I am NOT used to getting sick! I hate the feeling. Also, this medication is also the reason why this entry is so long and detailed. I need to wait til 1am because that’s when I take my meds again. It’s around 12:50 right now. Meh, I’ll go 10 minutes early. It can’t be that bad. Ok see yah!